What Would Your 90 Years Old Self Say?

She’s at peace. She’s deeply proud, and with her hands on your shoulders, she whispers, “Keep going. You have everything it takes.”

There wasn’t a dry eye in the room. (The Zoom room, that is.)

A turning point in my own story happened a few years ago, as I began lifting out of my own deep depression and my chronic symptoms began to resolve. People would share their stories of being stuck and sad and hopeless, and this feeling would come over me that I couldn’t help but share: “ohh…You’re going to heal. You are. And honey, you’re going to have the MOST beautiful life.”

I put out a song about it a few years ago with those exact lyrics (called “Beautiful”) and someone posted the link on their Instagram story, saying, “She really does say this to people all the time!”

I still do. And here’s why:

One of my teachers, Sheryl Paul, once told me that there’s a mysterious, sudden momentum in the healing journey. She talks about how, after the initial years of grinding through all of the practices: journaling, finding support, learning, crying, etc., there comes a point when the work starts working for you. You naturally notice that, more often than not, capacity, compassion, and curiosity are your default.

Dr. Dan Siegel talks about this too: 

“A cascade of positive effects seems to emerge spontaneously when integration has been initiated. It’s like the old physics idea of pushing a ball up a hill to get it rolling down the other side. It takes considerable effort and deliberate attention to move beyond the initial ingrained, nonintegrated state—to push the ball up the hill. This is the intentional work of change. But ultimately the emerging mind takes its natural course toward integration, and the ball flows effortlessly down the valley of coherence. Integration is the mind’s natural state.”

This has been absolutely true for me.

A young friend, recently initiated into her own process of deep healing, told me a couple weeks ago, “Courtney, I spend, like, 90% of my time sick or depressed and hopeless. There’s only 10% of my life when I actually feel present or happy.” I had so much compassion for her, and I told her that was how I felt for a few years (seriously, years).

She asked me what it was like for me now. I didn’t have to think long before I answered.

“For me now…honestly, that percentage is flipped.”

I keep thinking about this conversation. It’s true. And it’s a miracle. It’s astonishing to me. It feels unreal…

But it’s true. And there was absolutely a shift in the last couple of years when I noticed that most of my energy started naturally going toward creating the things I always dreamed about instead of constantly tending to and navigating my fears and anxiety. 

Healing gave way to creativity. It always does.

Another way I’ve heard it described is by understanding that Joy is the Matriarch of your emotions: she won’t enter the house if her kids aren’t welcomed.

The years you spend showing kindness and hospitality to your deepest fears and hurt slowly have the effect of teaching Joy that it’s finally safe to inhabit the house fully.

It is such hard work at first, but the reward is magic. I have never in my life felt so connected to joy. And joy is also a natural catalyst for creativity.

I say all this to remind you that this is available to you, always and forever. A beautiful and authentic life is available to you, to all. I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing if I didn’t believe that to my core.

Something someone said in our final session was that it felt like a relief to be doing this work with others. There’s a momentum that comes from sitting with like-minded people, heading toward the same goal of integration and expression, and she’s right.

Whether you get one-on-one support or find a group, connecting with others on this journey is one of the most powerful ways to remember that you’re not alone and to keep moving toward the person you’re becoming.

If you’d like to find that for yourself, I’d love to support you. You can book a discovery call to see if coaching is a good fit for you, or you can get on the waitlist for the next round of the Heal/Create Collective.

And if you need to be reminded of how temporary the struggle is, visit your 90-year-old self and notice her pride in you today. What would she want you to know?

Sending abundant hope your way,

—Court